Harry Potter and Twilight Idol!
by ParodyMaster33
Summary: I also plan on writing a Darren Shan/Fruits Basket one, so keep an eye out for that. Technically, a American Idol parody with the Harry Potter and Twilight Characters. Rating M for language and sexual references
1. Chapter 1

**Announcer Voice – **Hello and welcome to Harry Potter/Twilight Idol. Here are your hosts, Zubble and Ashii!

**Zubble – **Hullo and welcome!

**Ashii – **First, a disclaimer. We do not own Harry Potter, Twilight or any of the songs or sponsors And we aren't making any money off this, so no law suits please ^^ And a word from our sponsors~

_Converse ~ THE Ultimate Shoe. _

**Zubble – **Who's ready to meet the judges?

_Three spotlights hit the judges._

Jasper!

_-pokerface-_

Emmett!

_-smirks and winks-_

And Snape!

_-greasy haired scowl-_

**Ashii – **Snape! Play nice. Here we go with our first contestants of the night!

Edward!

_-sparkle-_

Harry!

_-akward smile-_

Ginny!

_-wink-_

First up, Harry Potter singing **First Date **by **Blink 182**

In the car I just can't wait  
to pick you up on our very first date  
Is it cool if I hold your hand?  
Is it wrong if I think it's lame to dance?  
Do you like my stupid hair?  
Would you guess that I didn't know what to wear?  
I'm too scared of what you think  
You make me nervous so I really can't eat

Let's go, don't wait, this night's almost over  
Honest, let's make this night last forever  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever

When you smile, I melt inside  
I'm not worthy for a minute of your time  
I really wish it was only me and you  
I'm jealous of everybody in the room  
Please don't look at me with those eyes  
Please don't hint that you're capable of lies  
I dread the thought of our very first kiss  
A target that i'm probably gonna miss

Let's go,don't wait, this night's almost over  
Honest, let's make this night last forever  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever

Let's go, don't wait, this night's almost over  
Honest, let's make, this night last forever  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever  
Forever and ever, let's make this last forever

**Ashii - **_screams over Blink 182 song. _Ahem. So – Harry!

_Applause_

**Zubble – **Judges?

**Jasper – **That was good.

**Emmett - **AWESOME. _sings along_

**Snape - **That was good. For an overweight dragon.

**Zubble - **_drags Snape by the ear. _If you liked Harry, please vote for him in the Review Box! Next up is...

**GINNY!**

**Jasper - **Name?

**Ginny - **Zubble just annoucned my name.

**Jasper - **Name?

**Ginny - **_rolls eyes. _Ginny

**Jasper - **Proceed.

**Ashii - **Here's Ginny singing **According to You **by **Orianthi**

According to you  
I'm stupid,  
I'm useless,  
I can't do anything right.  
According to you  
I'm difficult,  
hard to please,  
forever changing my mind.  
I'm a mess in a dress,  
can't show up on time,  
even if it would save my life.  
According to you. According to you.

But according to him  
I'm beautiful,  
incredible,  
he can't get me out of his head.  
According to him  
I'm funny,  
irresistible,  
everything he ever wanted.  
Everything is opposite,  
I don't feel like stopping it,  
so baby tell me what I got to lose.  
He's into me for everything I'm not,  
according to you.

According to you  
I'm boring,  
I'm moody,  
you can't take me any place.  
According to you  
I suck at telling jokes cause I always give it away.  
I'm the girl with the worst attention span;  
you're the boy who puts up with that.  
According to you. According to you.

But according to him  
I'm beautiful,  
incredible,  
he can't get me out of his head.  
According to him  
I'm funny,  
irresistible,  
everything he ever wanted.  
Everything is opposite,  
I don't feel like stopping it,  
so baby tell me what I got to lose.  
He's into me for everything I'm not,  
according to you.

I need to feel appreciated,  
loved not hated. oh-- no--.  
Why can't you see me through his eyes?  
It's too bad you're making me decide.

According to me  
you're stupid,  
you're useless,  
you can't do anything right.  
But according to him  
I'm beautiful,  
incredible,  
he can't get me out of his head.  
According to him  
I'm funny,  
irresistible,  
everything he ever wanted.  
Everything is opposite,  
I don't feel like stopping it,  
baby tell me what I got to lose.  
He's into me for everything I'm not,  
according to you. [you, you]  
According to you. [you, you]

According to you  
I'm stupid,  
I'm useless,  
I can't do anything right

_loud applause_

**Emmett - **Hot.

**Jasper - **There was much emotion behind your song.

**Snape - **Maybe there wouldn't be so much emotion behind it if Ms. Weasley wasn't a BEEEP

**Ashii - **_gasps. _That's a potty word!

**Zubble - **_drags Snape away, lecturing him about watching what he says on live TV._

**Ashii - **Anyhoo, a word from our sponsors, before **EDWARD.**

_HP/Twilight Idol is brought to you by Chips Ahoy, a chocolate chip in every bite._

**Ashii - **So here's Edward!

**Jasper - **Name?

**Edward - **I'm your brother.

**Jasper - **Name?

**Edward - **Ugh. Edward van Yourpissinmeoff

**Jasper - **Thank you.

**Zubble - **Here's Edward Cullen singing **Beautiful Dirty Rich **by **Lady Gaga**

Beautiful, dirty dirty rich rich dirty dirty  
Beautiful dirty rich  
Dirty dirty rich dirty dirty rich beautiful  
Beautiful and dirty dirty rich rich dirty

We got a redlight  
Pornographic dance fight  
Systematic, honey  
But we go no money

Our hair is perfect  
While were all getting shit wrecked  
It's automatic, honey  
But we got no money

Daddy I'm so sorry, I'm so s-s-sorry yeah  
We just like to party, like to p-p-party yeah

Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich  
Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich

We live a cute life  
Soundfematic, pants tigh-ter than plastic, honey  
But we got no money

We do the dance right  
We got it made like  
Ice cream topped with honey  
But we got no money

Daddy I'm so sorry, I'm so s-s-sorry yeah  
We just like to party, like to p-p-party yeah

Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich  
Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich

A bang bang bang, bang bang bang, beautiful, dirty rich  
A bang bang bang, bang bang bang, beautiful, dirty rich

Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich  
Bang bang, we're beautiful and dirty rich

X5  
Bang bang

_silence_

**Emmett - **Duuude, that was..um..

**Jasper - **Never.

**Snape - **_sobbing _That was beautiful. _sniff_

**Ashii - **Did you think Edward was as good as Snape says? Vote for him in the Review Box!

**Zubble - **On the next episode we have...

**Hermione!**

_smile_

**Alice!**

_cheeky grin_

**Jacob!**

_growl_

**Ashii and Zubble - **Join us next time on... HP/TWILIGHT IDOL!

**This is now my space :) So, the next Ep. will be up soon, just need to upload it ^^ Please review who you think should win, the character with the most votes will be annoucned at the end :D**


	2. Chapter 2

_EPISODE 2_

**Ashii - **We have a guest star host today :) Here's... Nikki~

**Nikki - **Hi guys :D

**Annoucner Voice - **Last week Harry and Ginny sang well, but Edward scared the judges a bit... _clip of Edward singing_

**Zubble - **_shudders _Anyway, first up today is... Hermoine Granger singing **Hey Stephen **by **Taylor Swift**

**Hermione - **I've changed the words a little.

Hey Ronald, I know looks can be deceivin'  
But I know I saw a light in you  
And as we walked we were talking  
I didn't say half the things I wanted to  
Of all the girls tossing rocks at your window  
I'll be the one waiting there even when it's cold  
Hey Ronald, boy you might have me believin'  
I don't always have to be alone

[CHORUS]  
Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel  
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so  
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you  
Can't help it if there's no one else  
I can't help myself

Hey Ronald, I've been holding back this feelin'  
So I've got some things to say to you  
I've seen it all, so I thought  
But I've never seen no body shine the way you do  
The way you walk, way you talk, way you say my name  
It's beautiful, wonderful, don't you ever change  
Hey Ronald, why are people always leavin'  
I think you and I should stay the same

[CHORUS]  
Cause I can't help it if you look like an angel  
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so  
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you  
Can't help it if there's no one else  
I can't help myself

They're dimming the street lights, you're perfect for me  
Why aren't you here tonight?  
I'm waiting alone now so come on and come out  
And pull me near and shine, shine, shine

Hey Ronald, I could give you fifty reasons  
Why I should be the one you choose  
All those other girls, well they're beautiful  
But would they write a song for you?  
Haha

[CHORUS]  
I can't help it if you look like an angel  
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so  
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you  
Can't help it if there's no one else  
I can't help myself

[CHORUS]  
If you look like an angel  
Can't help it if I wanna kiss you in the rain so  
Come feel this magic I've been feeling since I met you  
Can't help it if there's no one else  
I can't help myself, myself  
Can't help myself  
I can't help myself

**Emmet- **_sniffs _that was, that was beutiful _rests head on snapes shoulder and starts to sob_

**Snape **-Why do I put up with this crap?

**Jasper-** Not bad but potions are more your thing.

**Nikki-** SNAPE! _starts swearing in wizard language_ ###_)(*&*^$%^%^% HAGRIDS BUTCRACK! Geez, is snape always like this?

**Ashii and Zubble**- _Ashii stares in horror as Zubble is cheering yes...._

**Ashii and Zubble- **Next up is............ Jacob singing **She-Wolf **by **Shakira**

**Jacob- **I changed the lyrics as well.....

**Nikki, Ashii and Zubble - **Get on with it!

S.O.S. he's in disguise  
S.O.S. he's in disguise  
There's a he wolf in disguise  
Coming out, coming out, coming out

A domesticated boy that's all you ask of me  
Darling it is no joke, this is lycanthropy  
The moon's awake now with eyes wide open  
My body's craving, so feed the hungry

I've been devoting myself to you Monday to Monday and Friday to Friday  
Not getting enough retribution or decent incentives to keep me at it  
I'm starting to feel just a little abused like a coffee machine in an office  
So I'm gonna go somewhere cozy to get me a lover  
And tell you all about it

There's a he wolf in your closet  
Open up and set him free  
There's a he wolf in your closet  
Let it out so it can breathe

Sitting across a bar, staring right at her prey  
It's going well so far, she's gonna get her way  
Nocturnal creatures are not so prudent  
The moon's my teacher, and I'm her student

To locate the single women, I got on me a special radar  
And the fire department hotline in case I get in trouble later  
Not looking for cute little divos or rich city guys that just want to enjoy  
But having a very good time and behave very bad in the arms of a boy

There's a he wolf in the closet  
Open up and set him free  
There's a he wolf in your closet  
Let it out so it can breathe

S.O.S. he's in disguise  
S.O.S. he's in disguise  
There's a he wolf in disguise  
Coming out, coming out, coming out

S.O.S. he's in disguise  
S.O.S. he's in disguise  
There's a he wolf in disguise  
Coming out, coming out, coming out

There's a he wolf in your closet  
Let it out so it can breathe {aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh}

**Snape- **...

**Emmet- **Not bad vocals, but...song choice? Seriously dude.

**Jasper-** ..

**Zubble-** Oooookkkkk, Next is.......... **ALICE**! Singing **Walkin on Sunshine **by **Aly & AJ**

I used to think maybe you love me, now baby I'm sure  
And I just cant wait till the day, when you knock on my door  
Now every time I go for the mail box, gotta hold myself down  
'cos I just cant wait till you write me, you're coming around

[Chorus:]

I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh)  
I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh)  
I'm walking on sunshine (whoa oh)  
And don't it feel good  
And don't it feel good  
All right now yeah! (HEY!)

I used to think maybe you love me, I know that it's true  
And I don't wanna spend all of my life just waiting for you  
I don't want you back for the weekend, not back for a day  
Baby I just want you back and I want you to stay

[Chorus]

Walking on sunshine  
Walking on sunshine

I feel the love, I feel the love, I feel the that's really real  
I feel the love, I feel the love, I feel the that's really real

[Chorus till end]

(BTW, from Jacob - Alice Nicole wrote it :p)

**Ashii - **Vote in the Review box for your favourites!


	3. Chapter 3

**I'm sorry about the other one, it wasn't all that interesting :p Hopefully, this makes up for it. Shout out to the awesome Zubble who is writing Ep. 4! On another note, I'm starting to write my Darren Shan/Fruits Basket Idol. Odd combination, should be pretty good ****Any song suggestions for the characters would be very much appreciated! Enjoy.**

**Zubble - **In our third episode we have the lovely Bella! Along with Dumbldore,Voldemort and Ron!

_**Snape **_- _boos._ Who the hell are they? The last thing we need is another Harry fan or hairy fan! HAHAHAH! I MADE A JOKE! DO YOU GET IT?!

**Nikki- **OMG!He is having a spasm! Someone get him a drink of water!

**Ashii**- Like you didnt know who they are....

_Dumbldore walks in and Snape repeats his VERY LAME joke. Dumbledore makes a noise and faints._

**Zubble - **I guess Dumbledore will have to go last...here's Bella Swan singing **Fall to Pieces **by **Avril Lavigne**

I looked away  
Then I look back at you  
You try to say  
The things that you can't undo  
If I had my way  
I'd never get over you  
Today's the day  
I pray that we make it through

Make it through the fall  
Make it through it all  
[Chorus:]  
And I don't wanna fall to pieces  
I just want to sit and stare at you  
I don't want to talk about it  
And I don't want a conversation  
I just want to cry in front of you  
I don't want to talk about it  
Cuz I'm in Love With you  
You're the only one,  
I'd be with till the end  
When I come undone  
You bring me back again  
Back under the stars  
Back into your arms  
[Chorus]  
Wanna know who you are  
Wanna know where to start  
I wanna know what this means  
Wanna know how you feel  
Wanna know what is real  
I wanna know everything, everything  
[Chorus without last line]  
[Chorus]  
I'm in love with you  
Cuz i'm in love with you  
I'm in love with you  
I'm in love with you

**Emmett - **Excellent lil' sis!

**Jasper - **Well done.

**Snape - **_tipsily twirls in chair. _What a purty girl.

**Zubble - **_slaps Snape _

**Ashii - **Next up is Voldie Moldie!

**Nikki - **Voldie refused to tell us what he was singing, so here goes nothing...

_short video of Voldemort running down the halls clutching a piece of paper, screaming NEVER!_

I'm a EVIL goofy goober! ROCK!  
You're a EVIL goofy goober! ROCK!  
We're all EVIL goofy goobers! ROCK!  
Goofy goofy goober goober! ROCK!

"Put your toys away"  
Well I got to say when you tell me not to play  
I say NO WAY! No way no no no no no no way!  
"I'm a kid" you say.  
When you say I'm a kid I say "Say it again."  
And then I say Thanks! THANKS! Thank you very much.

So if you're thinking that you'd like to be like me  
Go ahead and try.  
The kid inside will set you free!

Hamella bebela zimela boebela hamella bebela zimela bam

I'm a EVIL goofy goober. ROCK!  
You're a EVIL goofy goober! ROCK!  
We're all EVIL goofy goobers! ROCK!  
Goofy goofy goober goober! YEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

_Voldemort collapses._

**Nikki- **At least its not a goofy goober spasm!

**Emmett - **Sick dude.

**Jasper and Snape - **.....

**Ashii - **Ahem. Next up is Dumbledore with... _checks list and faints_

**Zubble - **_picks up list. _I see why she fainted o.0 Dumbledore singing **Crack the Bottle **by **Eminem**

[Intro]  
Oh! Ladies and Gentlemen  
The moment you've all been waiting for ..  
In this corner, weighing 175 pounds  
With a record of 17 rapes, 400 assaults, and 4 murders  
The undisputed, most diabolic villain in the world  
Slim Shady!

[Chorus]  
So crack a bottle, let your body waddle  
Don't act like a snobby model you just hit the lotto  
Uh-oh uh-oh, bitches hopping in my Tahoe  
Got one riding shotgun and do not one of them got clothes  
Now where's the rubbers? Who's got the rubbers?  
I notice there's so many of them  
and there's really not that many of us  
And ladies love us, my posse's kicking up dust  
It's on 'til the break of dawn  
and we're starting this party from dusk

Ok... let's go

[Verse 1 -Eminem]  
Back with Andre the giant, mister elephant tusk  
Fix you must, you'll just be another one bit the dust  
Just one of, my mothers sons who got thrown under the bus  
Kiss my butt, lick the fumunda cheese from under my nuts  
It disgusts me to see the game the way that it looks  
Its a must, I redeem my name n haters get mushed  
Bitches lust, man they love me when I lay in the cut  
Fist the cup, the lady gave her eighty sumn paper cut  
Now picture us, Its ridiculous you curse at the thought  
Cause when I spit the verse the shit, gets worse then worcestershire sauce  
If I could fit the words as picture perfect, works every time  
Every verse, every line, as simple as nursery rhymes  
Its elementary, the elephants have entered the room  
I venture to say we're the center of attention its true  
Not to mention back with a vengeance, so here's the signal  
Of the bat symbol, the platinum trio's back on you hoes

[Chorus]  
So crack a bottle, let your body waddle  
Don't act like a snobby model you just hit the lotto  
Uh-oh uh-oh, bitches hopping in my Tahoe  
Got one riding shotgun and do not one of them got clothes  
Now where's the rubbers? Who's got the rubbers?  
I notice there's so many of them  
and there's really not that many of us  
And ladies love us, my posse's kicking up dust  
It's on 'til the break of dawn  
and we're starting this party from dusk

Ladies and gentlemen, Dr. Dre

[Verse 2 Dr. Dre]  
They see that low rider go by they're, like oh my!  
You ain't got to tell me why you're sick cause I know why  
I dip through in that six trey like sick em Dre  
I'm an itch that they cant scratch, they sick of me  
But hey, what else can I say, I love LA  
Cause over and above all, its just another day  
And this one begins where the last one ends  
Pick up where we left off and get smashed again  
I'll be dammed, just fucked around and crashed my Benz  
Driving around with a smashed front end  
Lets cash that one in  
Grab another one from out the stable  
The Monte Carlo, El Camino or the El Dorado  
The hell if I know, do I want leather seats or vinyl  
Decisions, decisions, garage looks like precision collision  
Or maco, beats quake like Waco  
Just keep the bass low, speakers away from your face though

[Chorus]  
So crack a bottle, let your body waddle  
Don't act like a snobby model you just hit the lotto  
Uh-oh uh-oh, bitches hopping in my Tahoe  
Got one riding shotgun and do not one of them got clothes  
Now where's the rubbers? Who's got the rubbers?  
I notice there's so many of them  
and there's really not that many of us  
And ladies love us, my posse's kicking up dust  
It's on 'til the break of dawn  
and we're starting this party from dusk

And I take great pleasure in introducing... 50 Cent!

[Verse 3 - 50 Cent]  
It's bottle after bottle  
The money ain't a thing when you party with me  
Its what we into, it's simple  
We ball out of control like you wouldn't believe  
I'm the napalm, the bomb, the don, I'm King Kong  
Get rolled on, wrapped up and reigned on  
I'm so calm through Vietnam, ring the alarm  
Bring the shaun dawn, burn marajauan do what you want  
It go on and on, till the break of what  
Get the paper man i'm caking you know I don't give a fuck  
I spend it like it don't mean nothing  
Blow it like its supposed to be blown  
Motherfucker I'm grown  
I stunt I style I flash the shit  
I gets what the fuck i want, so what I trick  
Fat ass, burgundy bags, classy shit  
Jimmy Cho shoes, I say move a bitch move

[Chorus]  
So crack a bottle, let your body waddle  
Don't act like a snobby model you just hit the lotto  
Uh-oh Uh-oh, bitches hopping in my Tahoe  
Got one riding shotgun and no not one of them got clothes  
Now where's the rubbers? Who's got the rubbers?  
I notice there's so many of them  
and there's really not that many of us  
And ladies love us, my posse's kicking up dust  
It's on till the break of dawn  
and we're starting this party from dusk

**Ashii - **_comes to. _Good Lord.

**Zubble - **Er..yeah.

**Emmett - **Whooo!

**Jasper - **Never again.

**Snape - **My inspiration! _eyes shine_

**Ashii - **Last but not least, Ronald Weasley. Now, because the creators had lack of creativity, they decided the 20th hit on the Hit 30 Countdown would be what Ron had to sing. He was thiiis close to singing Do You Remember. BUT. One had a stroke of genius. So here he is, singing **Time to Break Up **by **Blink 182**

I guess its only the men  
Who get fucked now and again  
We take our chicks to the mall,  
We wait in parking stalls  
And when we come home too late,  
She's pissed that she had to wait  
And my excuse not to call,  
It never worked at all

Time to wake up  
Where's your daughter?  
Hurt's to break up,  
She was stronger  
All my friends say,  
Please don't love her  
What did I gain?  
Now I miss her so

I used to hate the lipstick  
It stained and tasted so sick  
The pantyhose and the bras,  
She threw on my guitars  
xxxx xxxx I made a mistake,  
I thought I needed a break  
The truth is I'm such a dick,  
It's broke and can't be fixed

Time to wake up  
Where's your daughter?  
Hurt's to break up,  
She was stronger  
All my friends say,  
Please don't love her  
What did I gain?  
Now I miss her so

If you wanna call it a heartache,  
Then I shouldn't regret those things, I miss her  
If you want the pain to go away,  
Better xxxx up your pride and admit you lost her  
Let her go, move on, let her go, move on, let her go

Time to wake up  
Where's your daughter?  
Hurt's to break up,  
She was stronger  
All my friends say,  
Please don't love her  
What did I gain?  
Now I miss her so

Move on, let her go, move on, let her go,  
move on, let her go, move on, let her go

**Emmett and Ashii - **Gooo Blink 182~

**Jasper - **Good.

**Snape - **I've always had an attraction to gingers...

**Zubble - **Alrighty then! Vote in the Review box!


End file.
